Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Eye Contact

Yesterday as we were leaving speech therapy, KayLi's therapist stressed how important it is that we encourage KayLi to look at people when they are talking to her. That she needs to watch people talk in order to see how words are formed and imitate them. Hmmmm.

On the long drive home I couldn't help but look back at KayLi's infancy. She missed so much.

The loving stares of a mother and her infant as she is nursing. The soft sounds that are imitated back and forth as a baby begins to forms it's first coos. The loving eye contact that takes place as a mother sings a lullaby. KayLi missed it all and it made my heart break for her all over again.

I would give anything...seriously, be able to go back and give her what she missed. I can't. All I can do is help her to go forward. Forward with as much love as possible. Every night she falls asleep with her face a few inches away from mine...looking into my eyes. She needs that. We play "Baby KayLi" often. Oh, how she loves being rocked and pretending she's a baby. She asks me to sing "Lullaby and G'night." It's my joy. I'll play as long as she wants me to.

An innocent request from her speech therapist was meant to encourage eye contact and communication skills. It did. It made me look up into the loving eyes of my Father. It encouraged me to pray more fervently than ever. That God will restore as only He can. That I will be able to teach KayLi about His amazing love for her and that she will willingly receive it. That someday she will find complete healing looking into His eyes.


Kristi said...

I felt you heart on this post! You and I know that God is enough to heal our babies who missed out on so much. What a blessing we have to be part of the miracle of that healing!

Tara Anderson said...

My heart FEELS your words in this post! Oh how I hate every second that I'm not spending with my Soryn! Like you, I have NO doubt that I will gladly take all the time necessary to restore those "lost" years.

Rachelle said...

I hear and feel ya on this one.

Sharon said...

Lisa, Thank you SO much for your responses. And you rock for calling Dr. Genecov.....I wanted to go with that team from the beginning and it is who we would get a second opinion from if we decide to do that. I am now very interested in this new procedure. Hudsons speech has improved so much and most people can understand him now but still....he has a long ways to go.
LOVE that KayLi loves to fall asleep looking in your eyes. Hudson did that for a long time too...Everytime he is in the hospital I think about him being hospitalized with non one sleeping in his bed with him...and yes, lots of extra snuggles and holding is SO worth the extra time. I am grateful Hudson is small and we can still carry him around! There are many times throughout the day he just wants to be held for a few minutes.
Thanks again!!!!! I'll keep you posted!

Apsara said...

I know how you felt.

When Alexandre had his hernia removed he was crying while he was going out of anethesia.

I had a terrible pain because it remind me that I wasn't there for his heart operation.

I just hoped with all my heart that he had someone was there to rock while he was going through this.

Kayli and Alexandre will never be alone again while going to difficult period of their life, thanks God!

Hunan Mommy said...

You spoke what I feel every time I look at Sidney and think about what she missed as a baby! What she missed until she had a mom, dad, & brother. It is so nice to have the support of knowing other families are experiencing the same thing. It is bittersweet because they are home but sad all at the same time. So glad we have a God that could orchestrate such a miracle in our children's lives. Isn't it amazing to look into their eyes? So soulful and have seen so much. Thanks for sharing, loved this post!


Sophia and Avah's Mommy and Daddy said...

Lisa! Loved your heartfelt post. I am currently working on Sophia's lifebook and working through the "birthparents" and "abandoment" pages. Tough stuff. I'm trying to quickly get this book done because Sophia is asking more questions. It will be tough when she sees the "finding spot" pictures and realizes that she was "left" there. But on this page I assure her that she was NEVER really alone...that God was with her protecting her and keeping her safe. I've shed MANY tears in the four years that we have had Sophia and now even more with Avah. Thanks for sharing that post my friend! Your Sis in Christ, Maria