Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Expecting


Expecting is such a funny word! The dictionary defines it as "To look forward to the probable occurrence or appearance of." It's just funny right now! Like really laugh out loud funny!

Last night Allie came home and said "There are four guys at work whose wives are pregnant. It's contagious. They are all expecting babies at once. Well, five really because we're expecting too." It was SO funny to see him think of it that way! He had seriously not thought of us as "expecting" in that way. Too Funny!!!

We have been "expecting" for a VERY long time. God laid adoption on our hearts in Dec. 2004! By February 2005 we were certain of "The Call" to adopt and contacted adoption agencies. Like I mentioned in the last post, we were told we had to wait until July 2005 to officially apply to our agency. Then it took a year (Ryan's crazy senior year of high school & the year we were relocating to West Texas) to compile our dossier. We submitted our dossier to China (DTC) in July 2006. We have been "expecting" for five years!

Ok, maybe it's not that funny.

You would think that because it took seven years to conceive Emily that waiting for a child would be easy. But this whole wait has been anything but easy. In the beginning there were so many rumors about why the wait was increasing that it was easy to think it would speed up or at least level off. Watching it continue to increase has been heart breaking to say the least. At times it has felt as though an enormous pause button has been pushed on our lives.

How do you make long term plans or commit to anything when you have no idea what the future holds? You can't really. So, you don't. You learn, some of us more slowly than others, to take each day for what it is and to trust God with the future. I think I had gotten to a place where I could comfortably say I was able to do that. Just live for today and trust.

Then it was as if God whispered "Lesson learned." And he began to place special needs on our hearts. A whole new level of trust had to take root and grow. It had to take some time to grow in me, anyway. Allie was a different story. His faith is so much stronger than mine! I'll never forget asking him what he thought about special needs. "God said China. He said nothing about a "perfect" child from China." For him that was it. I told you...his faith is stronger than mine!

Since we had been waiting for a healthy referral forever, we didn't think the wait time would increase for us. We were amazed to learn that we would likely only have to wait two or three months. Which puts us to NOW! Suddenly KayLi is all I can think about! I refresh our agencies web page constantly hoping to see if special needs referrals have been posted. Every time the phone rings, I wonder "Is it The Call?"

It can be so all consuming. If we hadn't been so clear of God's will for our lives and so certain of his promises, we would have jumped ship long ago. But He is faithful! His timing is perfect, we have seen it over and over! That's the peace God offers. Peace that he is who he says he is and does what he says he will do, no matter what! Praise him for his faithfulness!

So I'm working on KayLi's room (between loads of laundry, sink fulls of dishes and homework) trying desperately to distract myself. And for the most part it's working. At least until the phone rings...then I'm reminded that we are "expecting" all over again. And I can't help but laugh at how funny that word is!!!

"We wait in hope for the LORD;
he is our help and our shield."

Psalm 33:20

1 comment:

Shelby said...

Hello, what a beautiful post. This adoption stuff is not for the weak. It is so hard to wait and wonder and hope and pray, but it also one fabulous way to deepen ones relationship with Christ and to see Him daily revealing Himself...that is cool stuff!! Congratulations on your journey!

Shelby